Sherlock Holmes vs Jack Reacher
Sherlock Holmes vs Jack Reacher is a fan-made What If? episode of Death Battle Description The greatest detective minds in American and British fictional history go head-to-head in an all-or-nothing Battle to the Death.... Interlude Boomstick: Detectives. Geniuses, crime-fighters, badasses, you name it. Wiz: The world is a place that is infested with crime, and who better to stand in its way than these two masters of deduction. Boomstick: Sherlock Holmes, the consulting detective.... Wiz: And Jack Reacher, the ex-military policeman. Boomstick: He's Wiz, and I'm Boomstick... Wiz: And it's our job to analyse their weapons, armour and skills to discover who would win a Death Battle! Sherlock Holmes Wiz: William Sherlock Scott Holmes was born in January 1864. Precious little is known about his past, but it is established from the off that he displayed early signs of genius. Boomstick: Sherlock demonstrated powers of destruction that nobody could possibly match, and had a mind like no other when it came to solving ridiculously difficult problems. Wiz: No, Boomstick, it's deduction, not destruction! Boomstick: Like there's a difference. Anyway, Sherlock was renowned throughout the stories he appears in to be a really smart guy with a drug problem....damnit, and I thought this guy was flawless! Wiz: Nobody's flawless, Boomstick. Boomstick: Excluding yours truly, of course. Wiz: Shut up! Anyway, Sherlock Holmes became a consulting detective - basically he's a tag-along for Scotland Yard who basically solves all of their problems for them. Boomstick: Helped out by his soldier sidekick John Watson, a doctor with a real fire in his heart... John: You're forgetting, Sherlock, I was a soldier. I killed people. Sherlock: You were a doctor.... John: I had bad days! Wiz: The two made an incredible team, despite fighting like pre-school brothers and having a massive amount of differences. Boomstick: Hmmm....interesting. Wiz, why don't you go and get yourself a trench coat and a gun, and I'll get a busted arm... Wiz: Never gonna happen. Anyway, one of the many reasons they became such a formidable team is because Sherlock is a genius at deduction, with incredible powers of observation - he can absorb and acknowledge the tiniest pieces of information, including the velocity and speed of a raindrop. Boomstick: That's fucking ridiculous! Wiz: Really? Check this out? Dr John Watson: We don't know a thing about each other. I don't know where we're meeting. I don't even know your name. Sherlock Holmes: I know you're an Army doctor, and you've been invalided home from Afghanistan. I know you've got a brother who's worried about you, but you won't go to him for help because you don't approve of him, possibly because he's an alcoholic, more likely because he recently walked out on his wife, and I know your therapist thinks your limp's psychosomatic - quite correctly, I'm afraid. That's enough to be going on with, don't you think? The name's Sherlock Holmes, and the address is 221-B Baker Street. Afternoon. Boomstick: Holy crap. How can this guy remember what he's talking about, his piece in the script as a whole is probably a hundred miles long! Wiz: As well as being a master of deduction, Sherlock is a skilled marksman, a learned swordsman and a highly skilled and experienced hand-to-hand combatant, having trained in Bartitsu and advanced boxing techniques. However, he prefers to outwit his opponents as opposed to physically challenging them. (Shows Sherlock Holmes fighting McMurdo in the boxing ring) Boomstick: He is so smart, he can create his own palace and put his knowledge stuff into it. Wiz: Not quite. Sherlock is capable of creating a mnemonic system that, in his mind, takes the form of a gigantic palace, with every room containing a certain memory or emotion, enabling him to be virtually incapable of forgetting anything, but also enabling him to make incredibly precise and broad calculations when on a case. Boomstick: Ugh, my head hurts! Hang on....okay....I've already made my mind palace? Wiz: Really? What is it? Boomstick: It's my basement! Wiz: Erm.....that's much bigger than I expected. I thought it'd just be the closet in the corner of your basement. Boomstick: Shut up, Wiz! Wiz: As I was saying, Sherlock doesn't have an obvious weakness, except for his intense addiction to drugs and cigarettes and a prominent incapacity to understand empathy that borders on the psychopathic. Sherlock: I'm not a psychopath, Anderson, I'm a high-functioning sociopath. Do your research! Boomstick: (Laughing) He gets it, Wiz. He ''totally ''gets it. Wiz: Finally, Sherlock is highly skilled at stealth and disguise, except for when....well.... Sherlock: (In drag) I agree, it's not my best disguise. Boomstick: Holy shit, that's one ugly bitch! Wiz: Sherlock's most famous adventure was the aptly named Final Problem, where he came face-to-face with his greatest enemy, Professor Moriarty, and they clashed climactically at the Reichenbach Falls, apparently dying in defeating the ingenious criminal mastermind. However, it seems, not even falling to his death in a gigantic waterfall won't even bring down one of Britain's finest crime-crushing minds. Jim Moriarty: Sherlock, your big brother and all the King's horses couldn't make me do a thing I didn't want to. Sherlock Holmes: Yes, but I'm not my brother, remember? I am you, prepared to do anything, prepared to burn, prepared to do what ordinary people won't do. You want me to shake hands with you in Hell? I shall not disappoint you. Jim Moriarty: Nah. You talk big. Nah. You're ordinary. You're ordinary. You're on the side of the angels. Sherlock Holmes: Oh, I may be on the side of the angels, but don't think for one second that I am one of them. Jack Reacher (Shows Michael Keaton's Batman facing the Joker) Wiz: There are the detectives. (Shows Arkham Origins Batman approaching the Batwing at the start of the game) Boomstick: There are the vigilantes. (Shows Christian Bale Batman beating up Falcone's thugs) Wiz: There are those with mysterious pasts. (Shows Ben Affleck Batman emerging from the shadows in the trailer) Boomstick: And then there's Tom fucking Cruz. Seriously, did you think this was gonna be about Batman? Come on, guys! Wiz: Jack Reacher was the son of a French national, and served in the American army and served with distinction, earning multiple medals. He rose to the rank of Major, but left after verbally insulting his superior and being discharged as a result. Boomstick: Poor guy. Anyway, this is where the shit gets really, really interesting. Jack Reacher...vanishes. He completely disappears off the face of the earth. Wiz: He props up from time to time and is renowned for being a profound trouble maker. However, it is confirmed that he spent the bulk of his service in the military police. Boomstick: The what? Wiz: Even the kind of occupation where you kill people has its own security. Boomstick: Damnit! That's not fair, now you've put me off joining the Paras forever! Wiz: (Groaning) Anyway, Jack is an enigmatic figure if ever there was one. His childhood and character traits are unknown, and he is only ever found by another person if he wants to be. Boomstick: Can we please get down to the fun stuff, this is getting boring! Wiz: Alright! Jack Reacher is a seasoned detective, his most prominent feature being that he is completely willing to go outside the law and use nearly illegal means to solve cases. Boomstick: This is getting better and better.... Wiz: He is a brilliant man, able to make intellectual leaps based on psychological logic as opposed to legal, and able to deduce incredible amounts of information out of simple body language or behavioural demonstrations of his targets. Boomstick: Eurgh...slow down, Wiz. I'm trying to keep up with you, here! Wiz: Your an idiot, Boomstick. Jack can also tell the time without looking at any timepiece, and deduce distances precisely with just his mind. Boomstick: Can you please get to the fun stuff. Wiz: Fine. Jack is a skilled driver, able to drive whilst perched underneath ''the dashboard and going backwards at the time. He is also highly proficient with guns, able to strike extremely long distances with complete accuracy. He is also a superb hand-to-hand fighter. He is learned in several martial arts, though not a master in either of them, and replaces finesse and artistry with... '''Boomstick: A ton of fucking brutality. '(Shows film scene of Jack Reacher fighting five men on the street) Holy shit, look at that! That's some hardcore brutality there, Wiz. This guy is one of the best fighters I've ever seen! Wiz: Jack Reacher's physical strength is a prominent factor in his fighting style. He is extremely ruthless and aggressive in combat, using elbows, uppercuts and headbutts as main attacks, as well as using his opponent's strength against him. He is also extremely unpredictable and vicious in a fight, enabling him to wipe out multiple opponents in a matter of seconds. Boomstick: Jack will do anything to win a fight, including slamming his opponent's head into a bathroom wall, or beating two opponents by piling one on top of the other and slamming the top one's head against the bottom one's head until they're unconscious. He is such a badass that he can actually predict how to beat five opponents, even figuring out which ones are going to scarper like little babies ''before ''the fight even begins. Jeb: Are you kidding me, it's five against one... Jack: It's three against one. Jeb: How'd you figure? Jack: Well, once I take out the leader - which is you - I'll have to take care of one or two enthusiastic wingmen. The last two guys? They always run. Boomstick: Less than a minute later... Jack violently dispatches a total of three thugs, then challenges the other two - a police car appears, coming towards them, and the two remaining thugs run for their lives. Boomstick: (In the Eye of the Tiger tune) Dun....dun-dun-dun....-dun-dun-dun....dun-dun-''duuun''...it's the Eye of Jack Reacher, it's the thrill of the fight, rising up only to be smashed back dow-own.... Wiz: Shut up, Boomstick! Anyway, unfortunately Jack isn't perfect. He doesn't normally admit he's wrong, and is able to be beaten by a physically superior opponent. He is also somewhat callous in his deductions and doesn't normally weigh out the middle man in terms of how other people feel about what he does. In fact, he doesn't entirely care. Boomstick: But, if someone dares to commit outrageous acts against the law, someone is going to ''die!'' James Barr: There's this guy. He's a kind of cop, at least he used to be. He doesn't care about proof, he doesn't care about the law, he only cares about what's right. He knows what I did. He knows where I am. Last time, he made me a promise. I did ever got in trouble again...he'd be there. Prelude Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate, once and for all. Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle!!!!!!!!! Death Battle A packed bar in a moonlit city. A figure wearing a brown jacket walks into the bar, his face hidden, and orders a beer. Taking it from the bartender, who shivers at the sight of him, the man turns and sits down by the window, and his face is revealed to be Jack Reacher. Across a street, Sherlock Holmes watches Jack from the shadows, focusing on the man's face. He walks into the bar, remaining a part of the crowd so as not to be seen. Everyone in the bar has white words in bold hovering around them, reading Single', 'Drunk, Unemployed and so forth. He fixes on Jack the whole time, who acts completely oblivious that he is being watched. Sherlock sits down opposite him. Sherlock:Good evening. Jack: It must be. Sherlock sneaks a gun under the table, aiming for Jack's stomach. Sherlock: Is that an American accent? Jack: It must be. Sherlock smiles, and studies the man opposite him. However, question marks swarm around Jack, indicating that Sherlock cannot tell anything about Jack the way he normally does. Their eyes lock. Jack Reacher shifts in his seat. Sherlock: You are Jack Reacher. The Americans want you. They say you've been causing too much trouble than they can control. You're under arrest, Jack. Jack looks at him, curiously. Sherlock: Don't even think about it, Jack. You test me, and you will lose. Jack: That remains to be seen. FIGHT! Jack kicks out from under the table, forcing Sherlock to drop the gun. Jack catches it and aims, but Sherlock lunges, locking his elbow around the gun hand and the gun misfires, shattering the window. People scream and run for their lives, separating the two opponents in the crowd. Sherlock is the first to his feet. He searches for a weapon, finds a wine bottle and throws it at Jack, who catches it in one hand and throws it back. Sherlock ducks and the bottle shatters on the wall behind him. Sherlock looks up at Jack and studies him. Jack ducks behind a table, before kicking it through the air towards Sherlock, who, vaults over the bar and into cover. Jack finds the gun and aims. Sherlock peeks over the bar for a single second and Jack fires. Sherlock dodges the bullet by the width of a wire and picks up the cash register, throwing it at Jack. It hits him across the head and Jack yells, dropping the gun, staggering backwards and massaging his temple, wincing. Sherlock leaps over the bar and runs towards Jack, snatching a selection of knives from the table on his way. Brandishing one of them, Sherlock lunges and Jack twists his arm around, but Sherlock produces another knife from the sleeve of his free hand and scythes and Jack. Jack backs away and Sherlock faces him off, waving the knives in front of him, daring his opponent to make a move. Sherlock: Come on. Give me your best shot! Jack moves to throw a punch, when suddenly he faintly hears a police siren and spins around, seeing a ring of police cars circle around the entrance to the bar. Cops bolt out, brandishing pistols. Jack dives for cover and Sherlock does also as the cops open fire on them. Bullets pepper the air around them and Sherlock, in slow motion, watches them fly - each one goes past with a number between 1 and 6. Sherlock (Thinking): They're nearly out... He turns and sees Jack slam into him, grabbing him by the neck. Sherlock produces a knife and stabs. Jack dodges, but the serrated edge of the knife cuts into his jacket and draws blood in a jagged scar. Jack inches away and Sherlock looks up, seeing all of the bullets with a number 1 marked on them. Realizing that the cops have ran out of clips, Sherlock gets up and runs to a fire exit and Jack sprints after him. Sherlock bursts through the fire exit, before turning and kicking it back so that it slams Jack in the face, breaking his nose. Jack carries on going. Sherlock (Thinking): This person, to choose the common phrase, cannot take a hint! He dodges into an alley and carries on running and Jack pursues him. Sherlock comes to a stop at the corner and, to disguise himself, pulls his coat over his face and blends into the shadows. Jack runs past him and Sherlock dives into him from behind, knocking him head-first into a lamppost. Jack bounces back, exclaiming and falls flat on his back, Sherlock underneath him. Sherlock twists free of Jack's weight and gets up. Jack snaps to his feet and swipes the dirt off his jacket. Sherlock and Jack lock eyes, intensely. Sherlock predicts the upcoming fight, firstly by entering his mind palace - Sherlock is standing in the great hall of his mind palace, with Jack Reacher's clothes, physique-measurements, hairstyle and many other faintly-visible qualities are floating around him: Sherlock: Jack Reacher, mid-forties, weighing around ninety-ninety five kilograms ''(Weighing scales materialises in front of him, reaching this conclusion). Clothing suggests nomadic lifestyle. Broad and influential military career, judging by the tan and the haircut. Recent activity suggests recklessness and dangerous disregard for personal safety (Shows small footage of Jack Reacher being pursued by the police cars in the film). Recommend unorthodox tactics when engaging.'' Returning to the present, Sherlock anticipates the up coming fight in his mind (Like in the Robert Downey Jr films). Sherlock: Bleeding scar on right side - reduced endurance and slightly decreased stamina. Physical strength endangered by adrenaline. Suggest making the opening attack. Roundhouse kick to the right side. Sherlock spins on one foot and heel-kicks Jack's side, buckling him. Sherlock: Winded, will attempt powerful front-kick. Resort to catch-and-twist. Jack tries to kick Sherlock in the groin, but Sherlock catches him by the ankle and heel, twisting him so that he is facing the opposite direction. Jack pulls his caught leg in and Sherlock is pulled closer to him. Jack spins around to throw a haymaker. Sherlock. Attempt to sprain incoming throwing arm. Sherlock catches him by the wrist and tries to sprain his arm in a twist, but Jack wrenches around, reversing their position so that ''he ''is the one holding Sherlock in the armlock. Sherlock: Break cracked ribs. Sherlock kicks him flexibly in the ribs and Jack steps back, loosening his grip. Sherlock: Endanger mobility. Sherlock kicks him in the knee, breaking it. Jack backs away, his mouth open in alarm, his hands kneading his knee. Sherlock: Compromise breathing. Sherlock jabs him in the throat, but Jack seizes his elbow in both hands and twists it around, breaking his entire arm. Sherlock screams silently. Sherlock: Continuation compromised. Attempt rectification. Sherlock, with his free and unbroken hand, grabs for Jack's bullet-scar and desperately claws at it. Jack snarls furiously and slams him against the hood of a car. Jack holds him down with one elbow and starts violently punching Sherlock in the heart, rocking his body. Sherlock: Heart rate overworking...breathing endangered....ribcage broken, heart punctured...fatally wounded, scenario failing....adjust approach. Weakly, Sherlock reaches out with his free hand and his thumb and finger close on a vein in Jack's neck. Jack gasps and steps back. Sherlock suddenly recovers and lunges, wrapping his arms and legs around Jack and knocking him into the road. Sherlock: Payback time... Sherlock grabs Jack's throat with both hands and strangles him. Jack thrashes and struggles, but in a few seconds he suddenly slackens. Sherlock stands up. Sherlock: Summary prognosis - dead within forty-three seconds of engagement, strangulation cancelled oxygen supply until suffocation. Full recovery - unremittingly impossible. Returns to the present, with Jack and Sherlock still facing each other. Then Sherlock lunges, and the entire scene that Sherlock plays out, with both opponents battling brutally fast, right up until the point where Sherlock pins Jack down to strangle him. Seconds into the process, though, Jack throws a vicious punch to Sherlock's cheek, breaking his jaw. Sherlock yells out and Jack springs up, grabbing Sherlock by the shoulders and slamming his face into the window of a car. Sherlock bounces back and Jack grabs him by the collar and the left leg. Sherlock (Thinking): This, I didn't expect... Jack picks Sherlock up off the ground and, roaring, slams his head against the sidewalk. Sherlock's head smashes against the concrete and Jack drops him, before bending over and panting heavily. Then, seeing a police car swerve around the corner and coming his way, Jack sprints into the shadows and disappears. K.O.! Result Boomstick: Damn! Somebody call an ambulance! Wiz: This was a fairly level fight between the two detectives, but this is a Death Battle and all came down to combat skills. Boomstick: Sherlock Holmes is awesome at deduction and looking at stuff and making crazy observations, giving him a fairly decent edge on Jack Reacher. But, his barjutsu skills and swordsmanship paled in comparison to Jack Reacher's blend of ''violence, violence, brutality, violence!'' Wiz: Jack Reacher's physical strength gave him a huge advantage, meaning that Sherlock had to be especially careful going toe-to-toe with him. Also, Jack Reacher is not only really strong and a vicious fighter but he is also almost completely unpredictable, even against an opponent as observant as Sherlock. This is how Jack managed to outthink the way Sherlock deduced the fight would go...and bring it to an unbelievably over-the-top ending. Boomstick: Sherlock was super-smart, but he just couldn't keep his ''head ''in the game. Wiz: The winner is Jack Reacher. Category:What-If? Death Battles Category:Completed What-If? Death Battles Category:Fistfight Category:'Detective' themed Death Battle Category:Martial Arts Duel Category:'Hero vs. Hero' Themed Death Battle Category:'Gun Fights' Themed Death Battles Category:Books Themed Death Battles